TYME2WASTE Coming down the mountain in the snow. And I’d also marry the first guy who came along and get knocked up by 19. then I’d be just like her when she was 17. Whereas if I was knitting and unpopular . . . TYME2WASTE I’m expressing myself and staying in touch with my friends, and she hates it. She knows if I’m typing something on my phone, I’m obviously engaged in sin. TYME2WASTE Writing something on Twitter just to piss Mom off. I offer this as conclusive proof there is no God. TYME2WASTE Dad just said the whole trip ought to take between 35 and 40 hours. TYME2WASTE Damn, knew I needed a better hiding place. Mom gave the condo a careful search to make sure nothing got left behind, which is how she found me. It was dark when I went to bed and it is dark now and Dad says it’s time to leave. Who will emerge alive? Place your bets, ladies and germs. TYME2WASTE All of us jammed in together for 3 days. Suddenly our van is looking like the setting for a cage-match duel to the death. TYME2WASTE I’m sure he wishes he just got us plane tickets now. A few more months and I’m gone forever, but he’s stuck with her for life and all her anger and the rest of it. TYME2WASTE And she said that was progress and got this smug bitch look on her face and then Dad threw down his book & left the room. TYME2WASTE I told Mom, no, the reason I hate Colorado is ’cause I’m stuck with her and it’s all waaaaay too real. TYME2WASTE Little bro asked if I could blog about him having sex with a certain goth girl from school to make it real, but no one laughed. TYME2WASTE Shit like that, she ought to write fortune cookies for a living. People go online to hide from death and wind up hiding from life.
TYME2WASTE So for online people, death doesn’t happen. No one’s Facebook status ever says “dead.” TYME2WASTE She sez no one ever blogs their own death. She has this attitude that people socially network ‘cause they’re scared to die. TYME2WASTE Oh and we don’t go online because it’s fun. She says the internet is “life validation.” Or at least sends an instant message about it. TYME2WASTE Or writes about it on their Facebook page. For us nothing really happens till someone blogs about it. TYME2WASTE She’s always saying the Net is more real for me and my friends than the world. TYME2WASTE You know what bitchy thing she said to me a couple hours ago? She said the reason I don’t like Colorado is because I can’t blog about it.
TYME2WASTE After she made me take down my blog, it’s not like I’m ever going to tell her. TYME2WASTE Hell no I’m not afraid Mom is going to read any of this. TYME2WASTE yay my real friends! I miss San Diego. Wait, I’m walking into the room where she is now . . . All I have to do to make Mom leave the room at this point is walk into it. TYME2WASTE Plan B is Mom and I face off in a contest to see who can make the other cry hot tears of rage and hate first. TYME2WASTE We were supposed to spend the break boarding and skiing but it’s too cold and won’t stop snowing so we had to go to plan B. TYME2WASTE It’s been all downhill since we got to Colorado.
TYME2WASTE Only about 50,000 more until we pack up and finish what is hopefully the last family trip of my life. TYME2WASTE My, didn’t that sound melodramatic. Want to know what I’m doing? Screaming inside. TYME2WASTE I’m only trying this because I’m so bored I wish I was dead. Answers must be under 140 characters in length and can be sent via mobile texting, instant message, or the Web.” What is Twitter? “Twitter is a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? . . .
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